Chandler, Arizona
Sweet Pea ​Births
Sweet Pea ​Births
...celebrating every swee​t pea their birth
...celebrating every swee​t pea their birth
Blog
Q&A with SPB: Crying It Out
Posted on November 24, 2015 at 8:55 AM |
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It is so tempting to an exhausted parent...putting their Sweet Pea in a crib and closing the door to let them cry it out so that they can all get some sleep. We encourage our students to nurture instead of ignore their infant's cry in class, and in today's VLOG we share why we suggest our students find other options: What We Know About Crying It Out Here is the presentation we share in class: For more reading on biological infant sleep patterns: "Normal,
Human Infant Sleep" via Psychology Today
http://bit.ly/QkH2Dr Links to explore: •Co-sleeping resource: Dr. McKenna http://cosleeping.nd.edu/ •Dr.
Sears’ Website: http://www.askdrsears.com/ •Dr.
Jay Gordon’s Sleep Information for Night Weaning AFTER ONE YEAR: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html Disclaimer: |
Dreams of the Sandman
Posted on November 13, 2012 at 11:00 AM |
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Ahh – today’s blog post is inspired by the class on
postpartum we just taught and two of our sweet students who are going through
some sleepless nights with their daughters.
Warm thoughts and wishes for the sandman are being sent for them. HERE, and the babies that inspired this post are
still under nine months of age.
As part of that MotherBaby dynamic, I believe babies cry because they want
comfort - not to manipulate. Adults in relationships like to sleep next to
their partners. It is incredible to me
that children and babies are expected to be okay sleeping alone. They are less
emotionally mature and we ask them to do things that their adult parents (assuming they all live together), supposedly fully
functioning and emotionally intact, do not do.
I want to remind sleepless parents and readers of how amazing their infant
child is. When they are first born,
literally EVERYTHING is new.
So this little person, who has so much change thrown at them in the split
second that they are born, is in the process of learning about the world around
them. They crave the warmth of their
mother’s body, or another comforting body, since they cannot regulate their
body temperature on their own yet. They
are soothed by the rhythm of a beating heart, a sound that was a permanent part
of their environment since the day they could hear in utero.
A baby who is crying is a baby who has a need that has not been met. We are all familiar with the common ones: Are
they wet? Hungry? Tired?
Then there are the reasons that we seem to have forgotten about as a culture…could
they be lonely? Scared? Seeking reassurance? Craving safety in a parent’s arms?
Growing? Teething?
These are no less important than the common reasons. It is easy to be seduced by all the toys,
sleep aids and gadgets that promise a child will sleep through the night. News flash:
babies are wired to cry when they need help…HERE are some great links to
reasons from a developmental standpoint as to why babies *should not* sleep
through the night.
So just how long does it take that little bundle of newness to be
independent? I am sure we will all have
a different answer. And along the path
to independence, there is the discomfort of teething, growth spurts, psychological
expansion from the mama as the center of the universe, to the rest of the
family and then the realization that the world really is a very BIG place. It works for some families to co-sleep, and for other families it is better to have the baby/child sleep in their crib/bed. Or, you can do a little of both, which happens to be our choice. Or...the list could go on and on. There are always lots of options for a family to explore as they find the right path for them. Here are my beliefs:
I implore you to examine your paradigm.
I suggest that our task as a parent is not to get our child to sleep
through the night from the earliest moment possible. Our task, our gift,
is to respond to a child’s needs as they need to be met so that we create
confident, loving and independent adults who are ready to meet the challenges
they face in the world and leave their world a better place. TO BE VERY CLEAR: I am not saying that all children who CIO cannot grow to be
wonderful people. To be wonderful is a
choice that we can all make. Andeach family has to choose what is RIGHT FOR THEM.
What I am suggesting is that we examine our parenting choices and make the best
choice putting our child’s developmental needs first. You will sleep again. This season shall pass and you will wonder
where your baby went, and what that rambunctious
(toddler)(child)(adolescent)(adult) did with your sweet baby. Dare I ask… How did you make it through sleepless nights with your
baby? Disclaimer:
The material included on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a
substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult
her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the
information for their own situation.
Krystyna and Bruss Bowman and Bowman House, LLC accept no liability for
the content of this site, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the
basis of the information provided. This blog contains information about our classes available in
Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley
Method®. The views contained on this blog do not
necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of
Husband-Coached Childbirth®.
me |
Bedtime Routines
Posted on October 30, 2012 at 10:58 PM |
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If you know me, you probably already what my answer is…your baby was designed a certain way. Their cry is a signal that something is wrong and your attention is required to attend to your child and build that confidence between you and them. Your babies are not supposed to sleep through the night – HERE is my favorite blog post on that topic. Will you be tired? YES. Will you need to nap? YES. Does it make sense to have a routine in some families? YES. Each family needs to make the choice that is right for them. Here are some sage words from Dr. Sears:
I am not going to write anymore about sleep training today because you will see that there is already a lot of information out there from Dr. Sears and from some other mom-bloggers (see Link List below). So if you are not going to subscribe to any of the sleep training methods, what can you do to help your child establish a healthy nighttime pattern? I offer these ideas not because these are the methods to sleep train your child. I offer them to get you thinking about the long term. Eventually, your child will outgrow the developmental need
to wake at night. You need to decide if
it will be nice to already have a system in place to encourage them to get to
bed easily, and stay in and fall asleep once they are in bed.
IDEA #1 Set a bedtime that works for your family. Here are the things to consider – what time does your little one start to act sleepy – rubbing their eyes, yawning, being silly, running around so that they stay awake…and if there is more than one child in your family, is there a collective bedtime or does everyone tire in shifts? How much sleep do parents need? What time does your family need to get going in the morning? Once you know those numbers, start working backwards to figure out when you start to your bedtime routine. IDEA #2 Make a routine that works for your family. Include as many or as few of these components as works for you. I found that when Bruss was traveling, a long, drawn out bedtime routine was a nice way to end the day by myself. Now that we are all home together, we run around until we are exhausted and the parents fall into bed at night – the least tired one takes the shift with the Night Owl.
My last tip (or trick - depends how you look at it) is to mist each of the sleepers with some Lotus Wei "Inner Peace" and "Quiet Mind" flower essences. You can read more about those products HERE. I wish you all a good night and sweet dreams! What do you and your family like to do at bedtime? LINK LIST Other GREAT blog posts in regards sleep training
The material included on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation. Krystyna and Bruss Bowman and Bowman House, LLC accept no liability for the content of this site, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided. This blog contains information about our classes available in Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley Method®. The views contained on this blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth®. |
One More Thing
Posted on February 28, 2012 at 3:34 PM |
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I reflect and wonder if we have told them everything, showed
them everything, practiced everything – which is of course, realistically,
impossible. I take heart in the fact
that in some classes, some babies arrive a few weeks earlier than the estimated
due dates. Even though the parents do not complete the series, the births have all gone pretty well.
We are covering enough material to allow these families to have Healthy
Mom, Healthy Baby outcomes, and at the end of the day, that is the most
important aspect of the classes we teach. Before we complete the last class, the phrase “one more
thing” is said a lot in that final session.
Here are the impressions we want to leave our students with… On teamwork:
On managing labor:
(To read in more detail about evaluating your labor, click here.) On Motherhood:
On Fatherhood:
Our parting wish is for them to have a very Happy Birth-Day;
and to come back to share their beautiful babies and their birth stories with
future classes. The most fun of all is
to meet again at their Bradley® Class Reunion – it is always fun to see all the
Bradley® babies “earthside,” and hear all the new families exchanging stories and
experiences. Which parting thoughts resonate with you? Please add your own words of wisdom in the
comments section. Disclaimer: The
material included on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation. This blog contains information about our classes available in Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley Method®. The views contained on this blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth®. |
Babies Make Milk
Posted on January 20, 2012 at 2:54 PM |
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Please check back in the future to read about the following topics: - The Mother-Baby as a single biological unit - Crying it out - Oxytocin and it's function outside of labor - Milk Supply (Left: Angelika & I with Dr. Christina Smillie...see the picture on top? You can tell this is one passionate doctor - she has a heart for babies.) Presentations by Dr.
Christine Smillie ©2012
Disclaimer: The
material included on this site is for informational purposes only.
It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical
advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to
determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation. This blog contains information about our classes available in
Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley
Method®. The views contained on this blog do not
necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of
Husband-Coached Childbirth®.
We are now enrolling for our Spring Series March 5, 2012 to May 21, 2012
For more information or to register, please call us at 602-684-6567 or email us at [email protected] |
What to Do When Breastfeeding Isn’t Working Out
Posted on September 23, 2011 at 7:17 AM |
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Breastfeeding
101 Series
Welcome to this month’s
post from Debbie Gillespie, IBCLC, RLC.
You can find her at Modern Mommy Boutique on Monday mornings at 10:00 am
for a FREE Breastfeeding Support Group, and she will also be featured here on
the fourth Friday of every month. Please see the end of the post for
Debbie's contact information if you are interested in reaching her for more
information, or to find registration information for her Breastfeeding 101 Class
offered on the 2nd Saturday of the month (October 8, 2011). To read Debbie’s previous
posts, please click on the “Breastfeeding 101” link on the left side of the
page. You
made the decision to breastfeed your baby.
You told all your friends and family, read some books and pamphlets on
it, and maybe even took a breastfeeding class (or two!). None of that matters now, because you’re
exhausted, sore from birth, overwhelmed, the baby in your arms is crying – and
maybe you are, too – and you’re not sure if you made the right decision. Breastfeeding is supposed to be the most
natural act in the world, so why isn’t it coming naturally? Take
a step back and follow the Three Rules of Breastfeeding, while
you work through the causes for your current problems. No “window of opportunity” is closing; in
fact, often this step back saves the breastfeeding relationship. Follow these three rules and you will have
all the time you need to learn how to breastfeed your baby. Rule #1: FEED THE BABY! If baby is not latching on well, or not at
all, he may need some milk away from the breast, to keep him healthy while you
two work this out. ** How do I tell
if my baby is getting enough milk? In the early weeks when you’re getting the hang of
breastfeeding, it’s important to keep track of baby’s output, particularly
soiled diapers, to make sure that baby is getting enough milk. Some babies show all signs that they’re
swallowing milk and it turns out they’re fooling us, so watch those
diapers: Calories in means poo out! If baby isn’t getting enough milk, their
stools will decrease well before their wets, so don’t assume everything is fine
if your baby is still making wet diapers but has not stooled in a while. In the first month, breastfeeding babies will
typically have three to five stools in 24 hours, and they must be larger than the
size of a quarter to count. If a baby
gets any formula, switch to counting wet diapers as an indicator, in case the
formula constipates baby. You should see
four to six really wet diapers in 24 hours, and they will be clear to pale in
color with no strong odor. If you don’t
see this output, it’s a strong sign baby isn’t getting enough calories. What if my
baby is not getting enough milk at the breast? If your baby is breastfeeding, you might
choose to offer expressed breast milk after he has breastfed, very slowly, to
make sure he has had a full feeding. By
feeding him slowly, you don’t have to worry about him overeating or eating too
fast. If your baby was born a few weeks early
and seems to fall asleep within just a few minutes after latching, you might
have better success to offer expressed milk as the appetizer before
breastfeeding, to give him the strength and patience to work harder at the
breast. How much milk
should my baby be eating? Newborns
will only take about a teaspoon of milk – usually colostrum – at each feeding
for the first 24 hours, because their tiny tummies are still very small. That’s one reason why they need to be fed so
frequently, because they can’t hold very much and human milk digests quickly,
unlike milk for baby bunnies or baby cows.
Gradually baby will work up to more milk on Day Two, Day Three, and so
on, until he will take about two ounces per feeding on Day Seven. By Day Fourteen, most babies are taking about
2.5 ounces per feeding, eight feedings per day.
Small babies might take less; larger babies might take more. I’m scared
of…NIPPLE CONFUSION! Considering how this term is
used as a threat so often in breastfeeding circles, it’s no wonder! Nipple confusion is the term used when a baby
who had formerly been latching on suddenly no longer latches. Actually, baby isn’t confused at all: He just
wants to be fed! If a baby is struggling
at the breast, feeding after feeding, crying in protest and being pushed into
mom’s breast anyway, and getting hungrier by the hour, that baby is at risk of
deciding that breastfeeding is not for him.
In protest, he will refuse to latch, even if he’s never seen a bottle in
his young life. Other babies who are also
struggling to get fed at the breast might be given a bottle after the doctor notices
he’s not gaining weight fast enough. If
a baby gets a bottle in the traditional manner, lying flat on his back with a
bottle pouring into his mouth, he may easily decide, “Hey, this is awesome –
all I have to do is lie back and keep from drowning! I’m never going back to the breast
again!” He now prefers the bottle. On the other hand, if baby is fed in a way
that preserves breastfeeding, this will not happen. So should I feed
my baby with a cup or syringe? These are
good short-term solutions to feeding baby while avoiding bottles. If, however, it turns out baby needs to be
supplemented for longer than just a few days, or if it’s 4 a.m. and more milk
is ending up on baby’s onesie than in baby’s tummy, consider feeding the baby
using upright, paced bottle feeding. How do I give
my breastfeeding baby a bottle? Most
bottles flow way too quickly compared with breastfeeding; remember, feeding a
newborn at the breast usually takes 20-30 minutes, start to finish. Compare that with the five minutes it takes
to watch Junior suck down two ounces from that freebie bottle nipple provided
by the formula company. Sit baby
upright, like he’s sitting on Santa’s lap, allowing his chin to tilt back off
his chest, about the same angle as our chin as we drink from a glass of
water. When baby takes the nipple in his
mouth, only tilt the bottle sideways until the level of the milk is just barely
covering the hole in the nipple. Holding
the bottle sideways allows baby to breathe and take his time. Offer ½ ounce, then put the bottle down and
burp him, to help slow down the feeding.
Repeat this, ½ ounce at a time, until he seems content, then set the
bottle aside. Rule #2: Protect and improve Mom’s milk supply. If breastfeeding isn’t going well, we often
focus so much on Rule #1 (feed the baby!), we forget about doing anything about
Mom’s milk supply. During the first
three weeks after your baby is born, your body is calibrating how much milk
you’ll need for the entire time you’re breastfeeding. It’s critical that you stimulate your supply
frequently and either breastfeed or pump the milk out thoroughly, so your body
will establish a fine milk supply. If
baby isn’t latching on at all, or is leaving a lot of milk behind after
feedings, it’s important that Mom pumps her milk to provide supplemental milk
for baby away from the breast, and to keep her milk supply going in the right
direction. Mom’s breasts need to be
emptied at least eight times in 24 hours to maintain current supply, 10-12
times to increase supply. Pumping
how-to’s will be covered in detail in a later blog. Rule #3: Keep happy things happening at the breast. This rule seems logical, but it’s often
overlooked. If baby struggles to latch
repeatedly, feels like he’s being shoved around too much at the breast (beware
of well-meaning but aggressive nurses), or if he isn’t getting enough milk,
feeding after feeding, he’s going to decide the breast is not a fun place to be. Then he’ll fight and kick and scream as soon
as you try to put him in the nursing position, which will break your
heart. If this happens, it’s not a death
sentence for breastfeeding; it just means you’ll have to launch a P.R. campaign
to get him back to the breast again.
This rule also means that breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt. If Mom dreads every feeding because her
nipples are so raw and painful, that’s not “happy things” and she is going to
consider quitting. Keep it happy, get
help, and things will improve quickly. This
list should include Rule #4: Get help sooner rather than later. You deserve a positive breastfeeding
experience, and that might mean getting help.
Also, if baby is struggling to feed and you don’t get help for a few
weeks, your milk supply may suffer.
Sure, breastfeeding is natural, but so is childbirth, and you certainly
didn’t do that alone. Use the lactation
consultants in the hospital, call a private practice lactation consultant for
an appointment, visit your WIC breastfeeding peer counselor, call La Leche
League volunteers, go to breastfeeding support groups – keep asking for help
until you and your baby are breastfeeding happily. Breastfeeding will continue to benefit you
and your baby throughout your lives, long after the breastfeeding relationship
is a distant memory. Hang in there – it
gets better! To read Debbie’s previous
posts, please click on the “Breastfeeding 101” link on the left side of the
page. **
Krystyna’s Note: In today’s internet
age, feeding baby away from the breast doesn’t mean you have to supplement with
formula. Consider doing research into
breast milk-sharing organizations – you can buy breast milk from for-profit
companies; some groups are social sites where milk is donated and exchanged
instead of bought. With
questions about this post, or to contact Debbie for a consultation: Debbie
Gillespie, IBCLC, RLC Registered
with the International Board of Lactation
Consultant Examiners (480)
786-0431 Breastfeeding 101 Class Join
Debbie for a 90-minute comprehensive breastfeeding class once a month (2nd
Saturday - 11:00 am) at Modern Mommy Boutique for only $10/couple. Call
Modern Mommy Boutique for registration: 480-857-7187 3355
W. Chandler Blvd #3, Chandler, AZ 85226 Disclaimer: The material included on
this site is for informational purposes only.
It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional
medical advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider
to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation. This
blog contains information about our classes available in
Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley
Method®. The views contained on this blog do not
necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of
Husband-Coached Childbirth®. New class starting December 5, 2011 for families with due dates around or after February 20, 2012 Call 602-684-6567 or email us at for more information |
Bumpy Day Coping Strategies
Posted on May 31, 2011 at 3:09 AM |
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It would be nice if all our days as parents were smooth sailing and sunny skies. The reality is that all babies and children have fussy or weepy days - the Bumpy Days on the parenting road. The most important thing to do when our children are crying more than
usual is to rule out illness. Check their temperature, look for rashes,
examine whether or not their activity levels and/or appetites have
changed in the last 24 hours.
If
you think they might be sick, call their care provider as soon as possible.
If you do rule out illness, it's time to
look at what else you can do to help them get over their weepy mood. It is easy when we can handle their blues with love and affection and stop
the crying immediately. We feel gratified, our children are happy again, and everyone moves on. Then there are the days when
they seem inconsolable. I think some of us get to the point when we find ourselves at our wit’s end. Sometime it’s from fatigue or exasperation, we
may be missing the camaraderie of adult conversation; other times it could be
the end of a long day. Although there are a myriad of reasons why taking care of
our children may leave us feeling a little short-tempered, it is important to
remember that they are people with feelings and need to be treated with
respect. Everything we do and say is
teaching them how to treat other people.
It is important to remember to act from a place of love rather than acting
impulsively. My own experience is that it is easier to be patient with infants and younger children. They
are so little and innocent; my exasperation comes more from the tiredness and
the newness of having a life dependent on me for all of their needs. On a good day, taking a deep breath and reminding myself
that these little ones love us and need us it all it takes. What about the times when I have already done my deep breathing and need something more? Here
are some ideas that I have found helpful to get me through those tough times
without losing my temper. I encourage
you to go through the list and see what might work for you. 1. Too close or too
far? If you are like me and enjoy
wearing your child in a carrier or sling, examine if you have been wearing them
too long and maybe they want their own space to explore on their tummy or their
hands & knees. On the other hand,
maybe you have been busy running errands or doing housework. Now they want your attention and need
to be close to you. So the answer is:
take them off and give them space, or put them on and reassure them that you
know they are important. 2. Change your
location. If you have been in the same
space for over an hour, go to a new location.
An infant needs a change in scenery as much as you do. Older children also benefit from a change in
space – it may help change their mindset if they have a new place to play or look at books. 3. Take a bath. Water has a way of dissipating tension. You can draw a warm bath for your baby; or if
you want to take it a step further, fill your bathtub and get in together. Warm water plus
skin-to-skin contact is a great combination for relaxation. You can blow bubbles, play with
bath toys, splash around, and if Mommy is in with them you can nurse them – there are lots of ways to have fun and find the joy to
finish out the rest of the day. 4. Play music or sing
a song. Music has a magical way of
spreading joy quickly. You can dance,
jump, make up an obstacle course, maybe sing songs and clap along. Older children can do “Heads, Shoulders,
Knees and Toes”, the “Hokey Pokey”, the “Chicken Dance”, the “Bunny Hop” –
there are lots of other songs that incorporate movements with the words. If you play an instrument, play music for
your child. Whatever you do, have fun
and sing and/or dance until you feel better and are ready to face the rest of
your day together. 5. Add movement to
what you are doing. If music isn’t “your
thing”, get physical. Do jumping jacks,
run a race, make up an obstacle course, get on a hobbyhorse, turn somersaults, or clap your hands (quiet,
loud, high, low, around – there are lots of concepts you can teach with a
simple clap). The most important thing
is to get silly. If your child isn’t old
enough to do these actions with you, they will certainly start laughing at your
antics. 6. Play a game or
make one up. Peek-a-boo is a great game
to play with infants. If this isn’t
enough to excite you and get you out of your funk, get out one of your baby’s
teaching toys and start showing them how the buttons work. Toddlers can play hide-and-seek, ring around
the rosie, pass the ball. If you do an Internet
search under “toddler movement games” you will play find plenty of ideas to
keep you both happy. 7. Get out the paints
and paper. Art is fun anytime of the day and it’s a great way to settle down a child who is wound up. You can use any type of paints – temperas,
watercolors, finger paints, or you can also use ink pads with hands or stamps. Focusing outside of themselves has a way of
calming and quieting children down. An
infant will find the texture of the paint or ink on their hands interesting,
and you can stamp their hands on paper and send it off to grandparents with a
little note about what they are doing developmentally. Older children can make their own patterns
with their hands or with brushes.
Complete the quiet mood by playing some soft music and see what kind of
art is inspired. 8. Have a “rainy day”
activity box. This is one of those last
resorts for the days when you are at home.
This works well for older toddlers and preschoolers. Keep very special toys and very special books
or the super messy activities in a box that only you can reach. You can ask your child to earn the “key” that
opens the box by helping you with a chore – they can clean their rooms, put
away dishes, help with whatever needs doing around the house that day. Once they have earned the “key”, bring down
the box and your children can take turns taking an activity out of the
box. Once you are finished with the
activity, put it away and store the box back in a safe and mysterious place
that only you can find. 9. Get out of the
house. If you are home, get everyone in
the car. Go for a drive to the library,
a park, the mall (if it’s a place you can go without creating more stress) – go
anywhere that gets you out of the space you are in. I find that it’s much easier to find patience
when I am in the public eye and being fallible, sometimes I need the
accountability to make sure I speak kindly to our children. 10. Know when to go
home. If you are out and about and find
yourself running low on emotional reserves, be wise and kind to yourself and
your children – call it a day. There is
very little in life that is a true emergency and most things can wait until
tomorrow. If you really need something
today, call someone to come watch the kiddos, or ask your partner or friend to
finish your to-do list for you. It is necessary
to acknowledge that our children have even less patience than we do, and if
they have behaved long enough for you to get some things done, thank them for
their good behavior. Then get home and
give everyone a break so that your day ends on a high note. I hope this gives you some ideas to try out and add to your
list of things to do before things get out of hand. When your exasperation comes from a child who
is behaving badly, you will need some consistent behaviors that will set
boundaries. Disciplining your child is
another topic completely and I will write about it some other time. The good news is that when you get good at
using these techniques, you are more likely to head off the behavior that needs
to be disciplined as your children get older. In addition, please feel free to add your own ideas in the comments section so the rest of us can try them out the next time we need to put some fun in our day! Disclaimer: The
material included on this site is for informational purposes only.
It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical
advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to
determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation. This blog contains information about our classes available in
Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley Method®. The views contained on this blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy
of Husband-Coached Childbirth®. |
Newborns and Crying
Posted on May 27, 2011 at 4:23 PM |
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“Should I let my newborn cry it out?” I find this question disturbing on a lot of different
levels. I cannot even begin to tell you
how upset it makes me that people even consider this as an option. I verge on hysterical emotion when I say,
“No, for the love of your child, go to them and see what they need!” Then I wonder – why would they stop crying when everything
in their new world is unfamiliar? Your
newborn (up to 28 days old in medical terms) is experiencing everything for the
first time. Crying is the only means available to them to communicate;
it is the only way they can “talk”.
Consider that everything that we take for granted is assaulting
all their senses: lights, colors, sounds, tastes, textures and smells. How many of us would negotiate all of the
“newness” well as adults? Let me make an analogy:
How do you feel when you have to go to a meeting or gathering where you
do not know one single person? And the
map they gave you to the meeting place is wrong and you are maneuvering through
an unknown area? You finally get there
and find out that the meeting is in a foreign language and you do not
understand one single word that is being said; yet you are expected to interact
and present information to the group. To
top off the event, a meal is served. By
now you are very hungry since you had been too nervous to eat before you came,
the extra time you had allotted yourself for a snack before you arrived was
spent trying to find the venue, and you have exerted yourself physically and
emotionally since you arrived. Your food
is served and you don’t know what it is, and to top it off, you are handed
utensils you have never used to eat it with. How do you feel now? I can tell you that for me personally, despite years as a
performer and a lot of practice with public speaking, I still get nervous when
I head to an unknown situation. I get
nervous as I am getting dressed. I have
to give myself a self-help motivational talk as I get into the car. I have another one with myself before I open
the door to the venue. All this anxiety
and I am a college educated, well-traveled 38-year old adult woman who can
comfortably hold a conversation in two languages, and could get by in a third
one if I had to. Now imagine how a little, naked, hours-hold human being who
just came out of a warm, watery, comforting cocoon must be feeling. When he or she wanted something before, they
could move and get a response. He or she
heard calming sounds – the sound of a heartbeat, the gurgle of digestion, and
when tones were directed towards him or her, they sounded loving and kind. One day, it started to feel some massaging movements from
his or her cocoon. They feel good at
first – slow and brief. “It is not well known that the skin is the external nervous
system. It arises from the same embryonic tissue, the ectoderm, as do the
central and peripheral nervous systems. Dr. Montagu notes that the
prolonged labor of human beings, as compared to shorter labor of other mammals,
ensures the adequate tactile stimulation of the fetus prior to birth.” - Dr. Mizin Park Kawasaki As labor continues to progress, the baby finds that these
massaging movements that were stimulating it’s skin and its organs are building
in intensity and duration. They
culminate by propelling the baby out through this REALLY tight squeeze. The newborn emerges and it’s LOUD. It’s BRIGHT.
It’s COLD. They might be pulled, poked and prodded. Assuming it’s an unmedicated vaginal birth,
one can hope that they will soon be reunited with their mother: their external
nervous system will be satisfied with skin-to-skin contact once he or she is
placed on Mother’s abdomen or chest, and soon they will hear her familiar
heartbeat once again. When the newborn has
been too stressed from drugs or other traumas of labor, it may be hours or days
before he or she is once again reunited with the heartbeat that is so familiar
and comforting to them. As they discover their new world, they find that their eyes
cannot focus on anything farther than 8-12 inches away, yet they can tell this
world is much bigger than their previous one.
Their ears are hearing things clearly and crispy, rather than through
the dampening effects of their previous watery home. Their skin has all kinds of new sensations:
heat, cold, hard, soft, scratchy, smooth.
Their nose is bombarding them with olfactory imprints with every breath
they take. And their tongue, which has
never worked before is both a tool and a receptor: the newborn must learn to
stimulate their food source and with every mouthful, they taste for the first
time. Breast milk has many subtleties
lost on us, yet it is a sensory experience for a newborn: foremilk that is
watery, hind milk that is rich and creamy, and with each feeding the baby is
exposed to the flavors of his or her mother’s previous meal. How many of us would adjust completely to so many new
surroundings within a week’s time? Adults
who experience culture shock can take from 6 – 12 months (at a minimum) to
adjust to their new surroundings. We
have the capacity to observe and process what we are seeing with years of
experience, we have the ability to communicate, and the resources to improvise
to fill in the gaps. How much of this is
a newborn equipped with? NONE of it -
they are learning to adjust everyday. What does your newborn experience that you would experience
in the opening scenario? This is a short
list of emotions and feelings newborns experience – I am sure there are many,
many more: Baby feels apprehensive –
everything is new. Baby feels unsure –
it doesn’t have a map for the big world around them. Baby feels confused – it can’t communicate
anymore since you don’t respond to kicks or hiccups anymore. Baby feels lost – why is it being taken away
from the familiar sound of your heartbeat?
And Baby feels hungry – his or her 24-hour lifeline was cut away and now
they are independent. How does your newborn communicate this myriad of
feelings? It CRIES. It is the one and only way your baby can find
to get your attention. When he or she
cries you are supposed to come see what they need. Nature created this wonderful
communication-response mechanism. I cry
– you respond. I cry – you comfort. I cry – I am heard. I am fed.
I am loved. When you hear a newborn cry and you choose to willfully
ignore the cry for fear of spoiling your child, you lose and your baby
loses. You have lost the opportunity to
hold the person who is going to grow up and leave you before you know it. You have lost the opportunity to give them
your unconditional love. You have lost
the opportunity to learn about what makes your newborn cry in the first place
and show them that you can hear them and you will be there for them when they
need you. Your infant (1 month – 12 months of age) could learn to stop
crying – maybe. Some infants will learn
to cry louder and longer. Some infants
will learn to cry to manipulate. The one
thing your infant learns for sure is that the one and only communication method
available to them doesn’t work well. The
people they are crying for and want to be with most in the world do not come
when they “talk”. Dr. Ashley Montagu has written about the long lasting
implications of that breakdown in communication extensively. I have included a link to an overview of his
work below. I encourage you to take the
time to read it and take from it what you will. I wore or carried all of our children for at least their
first 10 months, much to the disapproval of some family members who thought I
was spoiling them. I knew I wanted to
keep them as close as possible, and I found that they slept better and cried
less often than I had heard they would when they were close to me. By the time our third child was born, the comments
had calmed down quite a bit as the proof of our intelligent, observant and
highly independent older children was and continues to be in contrast to most
other children of their age. Now I know that this is called “attachment parenting”. I have also included a link to Dr. Sears’
article on attachment parenting for you to peruse. I don’t ask that you do anything, other than
read the information and ponder it. If
it sounds like something you would like to try, I encourage you to go for
it. Do as much or as little as fits into
your family’s lifestyle. At the very least, please pick up your newborn when they are
crying. They want you and they need
you. The only reason they learn to stop
crying is because they feel loved and nurtured. As one very wise woman once
shared at Birth Circle, each minute your infant is away from you is 100% longer
than they have ever been away from you before.
The crying will subside and the joys will multiply when you both learn
how to communicate with each other and grow together as parent and child. More about Ashley Montagu: http://www.thenurturingmother.com/Ashley_Montagu.html Dr. Sears on Attachment Parenting http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp Disclaimer: The
material included on this site is for informational purposes only.
It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical
advice. The reader should always consult her or his healthcare provider to
determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation. This blog contains information about our classes available in
Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley Method®. The views contained on this blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy
of Husband-Coached Childbirth®. |
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