A common suggestion when babies are sleepless is to let them cry it out, also known as CIO.  I cringe when I see those words.  I believe that babies are meant to be with their mamas for the first nine months of their lives – you can read more about why I believe that

• They have new sight...your child has never seen before without the filter from skin, muscle, fat and amniotic fluid.  They are truly experiencing the bright, white light for the first time.  All the sights they see are accosting their newborn, blurry vision.
• They are hearing for the first time without the muting from skin, muscle, fat and amniotic fluid.  All the sounds they are hearing are bombarding their sensitive ears.
• They smell and taste everything for the first time.  Literally, everything, for they have never smelled nor tasted anything except the amniotic solution they were floating in for their gestational period.
• They are feeling everything for the first time.  They were protected from direct impact by mama’s wonderful protective design of skin, muscle, fat, uterine walls and amniotic fluid.  Their skin, covered with sensory receptors is electrified every time they are touched.
  

1. Being a parent is not about you.  It is about the child.  Whether the child was planned or not, you brought the child into the world.  They are here now and plainly crying for your attention. I look at the current culture of parenting and wondering if the selfishness some people see and complain about in today’s youth might start in the early years when we expect them to fend for themselves instead of giving them the very best of us as parents, no matter what time of day or night they cry for help.

2. In addition, (again, assuming that a couple is raising the family), nighttime waking is not the exclusive territory of one parent over the other.  It is okay to wake your partner up so you can sleep.  Because our family's choice is to hold and interact with our children, even when they wake in the middle of the night, at one point, we had to figure out how to sleep in shifts.  This, too, passed, and for the most part, we all have the same bedtime *for now*! (Thanks to L.B. for that great phrase)

Every parent wonders when they are going to be able to sleep again.  It comes up on message boards everywhere:  When will I sleep again?  How do I train my baby to sleep?  Can’t I just let them cry it out (CIO)?

If you know me, you probably already what my answer is…your baby was designed a certain way.  Their cry is a signal that something is wrong and your attention is required to attend to your child and build that confidence between you and them.  Your babies are not supposed to sleep through the night – HERE is my favorite blog post on that topic.  

Will you be tired?  YES.  Will you need to nap?  YES.  Does it make sense to have a routine in some families?  YES.  Each family needs to make the choice that is right for them.

Here are some sage words from Dr. Sears:

“Nightwaking has survival benefits. In the first few months, babies' needs are the highest, but their ability to communicate their needs is the lowest. Suppose a baby slept deeply most of the night. Some basic needs would go unfulfilled. Tiny babies have tiny tummies, and mother's milk is digested very rapidly. If a baby's stimulus for hunger could not easily arouse her, this would not be good for baby's survival. If baby's nose was stuffed and she could not breathe, or was cold and needed warmth, and her sleep state was so deep that she could not communicate her needs, her survival would be jeopardized. 

 One thing we have learned during our years in pediatrics is that babies do what they do because they're designed that way. In the case of infant sleep, research suggests that active sleep protects babies. Suppose your baby sleeps like an adult, meaning predominantly deep sleep. Sounds wonderful! For you, perhaps, but not for baby. Suppose baby had a need for warmth, food, or even unobstructed air, but because he was sleeping so deeply he couldn't arouse to recognize and act on these needs. Baby's well being could be threatened. It appears that babies come wired with sleep patterns that enable them to awaken in response to circumstances that threaten their well being. We believe, and research supports, that frequent stages of active (REM) sleep serve the best physiologic interest of babies during the early months, when their well being is most threatened.”

To read the rest of the article, click HERE

Snack – Dr. Sears recommends foods that are high in carbohydrates and calcium, and medium-to-low in protein.  You can also try foods that have tryptophan (helps the body make serotonin).  Here are some quick ideas: whole-grain cereal with milk, spinach omelette, turkey and cheese roll-ups.  Check the links list below for more sleep-friendly snack ideas.

Bath and Brush – water is a wonderful soothing tool.  It works just as well for children as it does for a laboring mother.  If your child likes to get rowdy in the bath, maybe you can do a timer for rowdy play, and then once the timer rings, clean up the toys, do some back floats to encourage all the muscles to relax and then do your cleaning/hygiene routine.  I read a neat idea as I was gathering thoughts for this post: you can dim the lights in the bathroom to start the winding down process.

Games – Bedtime games?  Of course there is always time for another game.  Here is a fun excerpt from Parenting.com:  Hide and Sleep  “This one is appreciated by those as young as 2: Hide all your child's getting-ready-for-bed props throughout the house, but in the general direction of his bedroom. Hang pajamas on the coatrack (when he finds them, he has to put them on right there); hide his toothbrush and paste in the refrigerator (he then goes to the bathroom and uses them); place a favorite doll or stuffed animal under a table, and his book on the stairs. Once your child has made it to the last item, he'll have gotten ready for bed almost without knowing it.”  For more ideas…you got it – check the link list or click HERE.

Books – We have found that books that reinforce the bedtime routine are helpful.  HERE is my nighttime reading list.  What are your favorite bedtime books?  My favorites are “Pelly and Mr. Harrison Go To The Moon” and “Harold and the Purple Crayon”.  I like these because there is a little journey, lots of whimsy, and children who are happily asleep at the end.  In the lovey-dovey genre, I like “Guess How Much I Love You” and “Love You Forever”, two books that capture the eternal love of a parent and/or caregiver for a child.

Songs and Music – This list is very unique to each parent, even!  It’s a fact that waltz music in ¾ time mimics the human heartbeat, so maybe think of ending your playlist with a couple of waltzes?  Besides the timeless Braham’s Lullaby, there are songs like Moon River, Hushabye Mountain and although they are not waltzes, I like the messages in songs like “The Impossible Dream” and “Climb Every Mountain”.  The songs I learned as a teenager to sing to my brothers and to the children I babysat were all Disney tunes: “Stay Awake” from Mary Poppins, “A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes” from Cinderella, “Once Upon A Dream” from Sleeping Beauty, “One Song” from Snow White…If you like to sing, you can learn these lullabies and sing them at your child’s bedside.  In the age of technology, even if you do not like or want to sing, you can create your own dreamtime playlist.

My last tip (or trick - depends how you look at it) is to mist each of the sleepers with some Lotus Wei "Inner Peace" and "Quiet Mind" flower essences.  You can read more about those products HERE.  I wish you all a good night and sweet dreams!

What do you and your family like to do at bedtime?

LINK LIST
Other GREAT blog posts in regards sleep training

• http://www.organicbabyatlanta.com/5-baby-sleep-mistakes-you-dont-know-youre-making/
• http://www.spiritofilithyia.com/bad-pregnancy-advice-sleep-training/

• http://babycalm.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/breaking-news-sleep-training-babies-is-safe-and-causes-no-lasting-damage-really/

• http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/family-nutrition/foods-sleep/best-bedtime-snacks
• http://www.lifescript.com/diet-fitness/articles/archive/diet/eat-well/bedtime_snacks_that_help_you_fall_asleep.aspx

• http://www.parenting.com/article/8-fun-games-to-end-bedtime-struggles 

The night arrived again – when we say farewell to our students and wish them the best for their birth and the journey of family upon which they are about to embark.  Bruss always tells the first-time parents that he is jealous of them because there is nothing else like the experience of welcoming your first child and discovering parenthood for the first time.

• They have learned several strategies for positive communication. 
• There are several places in their class materials to find the questions for informed consent.  If they remember nothing else, the first questions to ask are, “Is Mom okay?  Is Baby okay?  Then they can ask for the benefits, risks, expected results, alternatives to the suggested procedure, and a timeframe to think about it before making a decision.
• If there is time, it is always okay to ask for the privacy to talk things through before making a decision.
• Always evaluate any decisions that need to be made with the Healthy Mom, Healthy Baby filter on.  As long as they remember the ultimate goal, they will be able to make peace with the decisions they make in labor.

• The amount of sleep a couple gets can positively or negatively effect their outcome.  Against the odds, try to sleep in spite of the excitement.
• Eat if you are hungry, drink if you are thirsty.
• Fast labors are indicated by a rapid progression of duration, intensity and frequency of the contractions.  If you notice that things are getting longer, harder, stronger and closer together over the course of a couple of hours, you need to get to your birthplace sooner than later.
• Long labors are indicated by little or no change in the duration, intensity and frequency of contractions over the course of several hours.  If your contractions start ten+ minutes apart, and they are still ten+ minutes apart two hours later,  you are in for a marathon – stop timing, eat something, hydrate, shower and go to bed!  Although we do not wish this labor on anyone, if it is your birth story, you will be happy you rested early on, because you will definitely have energy when you need it later.
• It is possible to sleep between contractions or even through contractions.  Surrender to the process and allow Mom to rest.
• Relaxation is on physical, mental and emotional levels.  There are several summary pages we cover so that they can find and refer to what they need at different points in their labor.

• They are about to embark on one of life’s greatest gifts.
• It’s called “mother’s instinct” for a reason – it is unexplainable and a mystery how we are all connected, however, if they have any feelings or sense anything as it applies to their baby or their family, go with it – they are invariably proven to be the right decisions to make.
• They are not alone – reach out for help if they are feeling overwhelmed, tired or just need another adult to talk to when Coach goes back to work and they are home alone with baby.
• Nursing should not hurt, and it is also a learned behavior.  Each breastfeeding relationship is unique with subsequent children.  If they experience any pain, difficulty, or as questions arise, there are several free options from which to find answers: La Leche League, hospital support groups, community support groups.  If they experience any fever or lingering pain, get professional help from a medical care provider: it is best to be told how to find a solution early on, than to let things go and get into a situation where the breastfeeding relationship is compromised.
• They cannot spoil or hold their baby too much.  It is okay to ignore people who tell you otherwise!  Your baby is designed to be with you and a part of you – they are cute, sweet and cuddly for a reason!  The time in our lives when they need us is so short compared to the time they are independent, so savor every moment of their infancy and hold them as much as you want to!
• The sound of your child's crying makes your heart hurt for a reason – you are supposed to respond to them and meet their needs.  If the basics of wet, hungry and tired are satisfied and they are still crying, there may be other reasons why they cry: lonely, scared, in pain, over-stimulated…all of them good reasons to hold them and reassure them that it is okay and you will find a path together.

• Mom and Baby will continue to be an exclusive unit for a little while longer.  Until Coaches are allowed into the “Inner Circle”, there are many ways to support that MotherBaby unit so that they thrive and succeed: support the mother’s decision to breastfeed by bringing her food and water every time she nurses, hold the baby so she can sleep and build her milk supply and stay rested to avoid postpartum issues, change the baby’s diaper so mom can take care of her personal needs, keep telling her that she is doing a great job and you appreciate everything she is doing to take care of your child.
• Even if you feel you are outside of the circle, there are special things that only Coaches can do.  You can soothe the baby when mom needs a break.  Coaches have a different energy that babies respond do.  One mom shared a tip they learned in breastfeeding class:  Moms always smell like milk.  If there is fussiness at the breast, Dad can take baby and calm him/her since he doesn’t stimulate their sense of smell for food…and when everyone is in a better place, they can try nursing again.
• The time will come when you become part of that “Inner Circle”.  Your baby will recognize you and crave your attention – enjoy it!  You can sing to them, read to them, snuggle with them even before you feel completely “in”, and by the time you are “in”, baby will be confident and comfortable with you; the rewards of taking a vested interest in your child are immeasurable.

This post has been taken down temporarily as I work with Dr. Smillie to represent the information from her seminar accurately.  Thank you in advance for your understanding. 

• Baby-Led Breastfeeding: The Neurophysiologic Basis for Infant Feeding
• Make it Easy: Beyond Pumps and Galactogogues
• Slow Weight Gain: And the Vicious Cycles that Keep it Going
• Right-Brained Thinking: How Mothers and Babies Thinks, and Why it Matters