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In Their Own Words: Daniella's Story

Posted on April 22, 2016 at 12:14 AM
April is Cesarean Awareness Month. In order to expand the conversation around all the choices mothers have when preparing for a birth after a cesarean, we will share around cesarean birth journeys, and options that cesarean birth warriors have for subsequent pregnancies.  

If you would like to submit your story for our In Their Own Words series, please send your submission to krystyna{at}sweetpeabirths{dot}com.



Why I Chose to Have a Repeat Cesarean Birth

After the initial excitement and shock I felt after I looked at the pregnancy test and saw two lines my first thought was: “How do I want to deliver this baby?”

When my son was born I had to have an emergency c-section after being induced because of extremely high blood pressure. Even though now (four years later!) I can look back and see that it needed to be done to keep both of us safe, it wrecked me emotionally for quite some time after he was born.

I felt like a failure and like I wasn’t a “real mom” because I didn’t actually give birth to him. Add to the fact that we had a really hard time breastfeeding and I was left feeling like a terrible person. I didn’t admit this to many people, but I spent the first few weeks of my leave crying all day because in my mind, I was a terrible mother. It took a long time for me to be at peace with having a cesarean birth and I swore that if we had another baby, I would be attempting a VBAC for sure.

Fast forward to that day in March of 2014 when I got that positive, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I remember talking to my husband and asking him what he wanted me to do. He told me, “I just want you to be safe. Healthy mom, healthy baby, you know?” When I met with my doctor for my first appointment I asked her if I was a good candidate for a VBAC. She told me I was and gave me some literature to read about VBACs and RCSs so I could make an informed decision. I didn’t have to choose until a few weeks before my due date so I had some time.

I thought about it a lot. This was going to be our last baby so if I was going to try to a VBAC this would be my only chance. It was a lot of pressure! After doing a ton of research and talking to my husband, I decided to have a RCS. All I could think about was that dark and foggy time I had experienced after my son was born and it scared me so much. This time I wouldn’t be responsible for just one baby, it would be a pre-schooler and a baby. There was no guarantee that I would feel like that again, but it was such a huge worry to me. I remembered the anger and the doubt and replaying my labor over and over again and I didn’t want to do that to myself and again. I knew I was making an informed decision and I was at peace with it.

My repeat cesarean birth ("RCS") was a complete 180 from my emergency cesarean birth. I got to prep for the surgery with my husband in the pre-op room which helped put me at ease. When I was taken into the operating room the doctors and nurses were joking around and talking about college football. There was classic rock playing on the radio and unlike my son’s birth there wasn’t a sense of urgency.

When my daughter was born I was able to hold her almost immediately and they let me keep her while they stitched me back up. After I went to recovery they brought her to me so I could nurse her. I will be forever grateful for that, when my son was born I had to wait over two hours until I could see him.

I know the major difference between my two births was that one was planned and the other was a true emergency. I think that knowing what was going to happen helped keep me calm and relaxed. 

Sometimes I think of the what-if’s: what if I could have had a successful VBAC? I should have at least tried. If it was successful I wouldn’t have had to deal with an incision that didn’t close for almost ten weeks… I can’t go back and think about that now. I have two beautiful healthy children. I know that I made the right decision for myself and for my family.

Disclaimer: 
The material included in this video is for informational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The viewer should always consult her or his healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation.  Krystyna and Bruss Bowman and Bowman House, LLC accept no liability for the content of this site, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided.  This blog and video contain information about our classes available in Chandler, AZ and Payson, AZ and is not the official website of The Bradley Method®. The views contained in this video and on our blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Bradley Method® or the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth®.

Bradley Method® classes convenient to Chandler, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, Phoenix, Ahwatukee, Scottsdale and Payson

Categories: Cesarean Birth, Cesarean Surgery, In Their Own Words

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